Dear Future First Husband,
This weekend was pretty eventful. I thought with the happenings, it would be a good way for you to find out about my 2nd most recent ex. B.
I went to a sports bar to watch the big game with some friends... I get there about 6pm to meet up with M and D. Although packed outside, the nice cool inside was relatively bare so we had our pick of seats. We sit in the middle so everyone can see us. (Yes I'm completely serious. The more people that see you, the more chances you have to make new friends!)
I have on my normal game day attire for watching at a sports bar... colors of the team I'm cheering for that day (purple), (but not a t-shirt, lord forbid... I don't leave the house in t-shirts) hair and make up all done, and shorts with a cute belt and cute shoes (boots and skinny jeans will soon replace the shorts). Basically, I look hot, and I know it. Those workout classes have made a HUGE difference. Have you seen my abs!? Are they still hot now in the future?! I hope so.
Anywho... we are sitting at the table and a group of guys walk in. I don't recognize any of them, so I turn away. Of course the second I look up, I DO recognize one. It's B. The ex from over a year ago. Bad breakup, even worse time in between before I met M, the most recent ex. Meeting M actually was a good thing as it made me quit responding to B's late night calls to come over.
B and I didn't talk for about 5 months... I had heard about him dating several girls (I'm sure they didn't know about each other) and I did hear when he finally "settled" with one girl. Poor thing. I looked her up on facebook. She was younger than me, from a town smaller and farther away from the city as me, and her name was an alocholic beverage than ended with an "i".
I bet her mom also carried purses with big rhinestone crosses on them too.
Best (or worst part) was that her profile picture was her and her dogs... her Yorkie dogs... and this wasn't a profile picture taken by a cute photographer or old modeling photos like mine were. This was a Wal-mart traveling photo guy with the watercolor backdrop posed laying on her side with the dogs in front of her kind of picture. I had seen enough. Considering the fact that I was the one that gave B the final "f*#k off" and was now dating a guy who was 10x better, I left well enough alone.
I ran into them at the bar one night when I was out with the girls. He ignored me until I walked straight up, said hi, then went on my merry way to get another Bourbon and ginger. A week later, at 2 am, he texted me. That went on several times. My new boyfriend was well aware this was going on, and I never said anything back to make B think I wanted him. Apparently, he did the sneaky approach and deleted the texts he sent me, only leaving what I sent him, stringing together phrases in a creative way to make me look like an @$$. I get a text about a few days later:
"Me and my girlfriend B are doing amazing and you need to stay away from me and leave me alone. Please respect that." (the please respect that was a line that I had sent HIM in a previous text!)
My response: "please tell your girlfriend "B with an i ", who obviously wrote that last text, that YOU were the one that started texting me at 2am... or if you don't feel like telling her that, I'd be more than happy to send her the screen shots of those texts you probably deleted. Like I said before, leave me alone."
His response back, which I'm sure she didn't get to read: "I'm really sorry about all of those texts... it's probably best we both just let each other be."
So we did. I haven't seen, heard from or about him for over 5 months. He is literally one of those guys that I could live the rest of my life never talking to again. So wasn't it fabulous when I ran into him at the bar.
The second he saw me he said hi, then turned around and sat WAY across the bar on the other side. Smooth move. Frankly, I didn't want to look at his newly enlarged body (was he that big around the middle when we dated?!) and old navy t-shirt. Of course his "guy night" went away cause next thing ya know "B with an i" is sitting there... right by the bathroom so that means I got to walk by her A LOT. I swear anytime they are together and I see them she's texting on her phone and he's talking to other people... sounds like our relationship.
She is wearing a t-shirt and jeans with flip flops. Like I said, I don't leave the house in that kind of outfit, let ALONE to a crowded bar. (Also, for the future, that's awesome you are blonde, but so am I, and if you want to stand out, maybe add a little volume so you don't look like you have the same hair as your dogs.) She was only there for maybe one quarter of the game then left. After the game (3 hours later) B left as well. Now I'm just waiting on him to start texting me again.
I think if anything I just feel sorry for her... B was always a guy who was attracted to a "Dillard's" kind of girl, and lets face it, I'm more high end luxury brand. (I blame that on my mommy and grandmother... you know my grandmother has only worn pants like 3 times in her whole life!?)
So future first husband, although I will still shop at Ross and Target, I have class and also read the fashion magazines and blogs to find out what people are wearing. I'm a trained interior designer and I know what looks good and flat hair and a t-shirt going out, just don't look good. If you are more of a guy that likes the "girl next door" look, don't try to change me into that. I'm not doing it. Like me for me, like me for who I am, and if you ever try to tell me I "look good spray tan orange" I will punch you in the face.
Until next time,
FFW
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